I lost about 25 pounds when i did this back in May. I have managed to keep most of it off, hovering between 206 and 210 for the past 3 months. I was at 230 in May. This morning i. awoke at 210. My heaviest since i dropped the weight.
I have seriously changed the way I eat. Mostly vegan. Very little meat... I had a few chicken wings. Some fish, but rarely. No pork or beef or dairy. I do drink beer and wine. No coffee for over 3 months. Lots of water and green smoothies. So overall about a 95% change in my eating habits from the beginning of May 2010. I have started eating some bread and eating later at night so its time I resume and redicate to my health and weight loss.
Im going to lose another 20 pounds.
I start the cleanse again today. By Sept 21 i plan to be around 190 pounds.
Not going to be easy but im thinking it will be easier than the last time as ive kept some very good habits from the first cleanse.
I weigh 210 on Sept 2 2010.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 12
It's been a few days since I posted.
I'm at 216. 12 days ago I was 229.
It's been really tough going and several cheating moments. Like putting food in my mouth and chewing then spitting out. I feel so much better overall but the psychological cravings are killing me. This part is ridiculously difficult.
I went to dinner with my wife and daughter on Sunday, food all around me and I didn't eat but holy motherfucking shit it was tough.
Still on it and losing weight. Juicing and water and soup. I think I need to go to some sort of meeting with people going through this, like overeaters annonymous.
I'm at 216. 12 days ago I was 229.
It's been really tough going and several cheating moments. Like putting food in my mouth and chewing then spitting out. I feel so much better overall but the psychological cravings are killing me. This part is ridiculously difficult.
I went to dinner with my wife and daughter on Sunday, food all around me and I didn't eat but holy motherfucking shit it was tough.
Still on it and losing weight. Juicing and water and soup. I think I need to go to some sort of meeting with people going through this, like overeaters annonymous.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 6: Scale damage Alert!
My scale broke. Every time I stepped on it I'd get a widely different number which normally I wouldn't care about (because good god man! normally I would NEVER weigh myself!) but now that's a serious problem. So I ran over to CVS and got a new one. I tested it 5 times in a row and I'm at 218. I KNOW that I didn't gain anything from yesterday so the other scale was off.
I weigh 218 on Thursday May 14 2010. 48 pounds to lose to get to 170. I should be there by next week if I cut off my legs.
Still good but not as rapid as I thought I was experiencing at the beginning or maybe it is, maybe I started out weighing more than 229 when I started my life changing detox. hmmm
I'm not starving but I'm fucking CRAVING. Spinach dips with blue cheese and crusty bread. Gyros with extra sauce and tasty meat. French fries and ketchup, cheese crackers, steak, bagel with butter, pastrami. Hot dogs. Pizza!!!
This is tough but I look at myself, thinking about my life and how I feel in it with the people around me... I feel I can get a little distance outside of it and see how crucial and wonderful this journey is for me. This is so much more than simply losing weight, this is about cleansing my mind and body. Without such a debilitating addiction to food I'm starting to see everything else differently or rather for what it really is. I worship food because it brings me comfort not nutrition, not as fuel but as my reason for being. Taking the joy (if that's the right word) out of food and looking at it more as just a fuel opens my world up to a lot more than it's been. I'm still figuring this out. I enjoy the juices and fruit and right now the concept of taking th ejoy out of eating really frightens me; like I have been dumped. I also understand that enjoying eating is one of lifes pleasures but I take it to such another level - I base my existance on food to give me the structure, security and validation to keep me going - thats really fucked up. My current conception of the Joy of food (and as far back as I can remember) is a crippling unhealthy addiction.
I eat until I'm stuffed, gorged. Then I feel uncomfortable and bloated and want to throw up. I wake up feeling even worse, sluggish and in pain. My binges do nothing to help me just like shooting up heroin or snorting cocaine feels awesome until the rush is over.
I'm starting to see life around me a little bit differently and a lot of bright light shining through the cracks in those walls I've built over the last 42 years of my time on Earth.
Still sick but I feel better. Nose stuffed, aches, feels like a cold. I wonder if its just a cold I would have gotten anyway or is this because of the detox.
It feels like it's going to be a tough day on the detox but I'll get through it. I want to run home, turn on the TV and eat fried chicken and gravy . I shall overcome.
and so it goes...
I weigh 218 on Thursday May 14 2010. 48 pounds to lose to get to 170. I should be there by next week if I cut off my legs.
Still good but not as rapid as I thought I was experiencing at the beginning or maybe it is, maybe I started out weighing more than 229 when I started my life changing detox. hmmm
I'm not starving but I'm fucking CRAVING. Spinach dips with blue cheese and crusty bread. Gyros with extra sauce and tasty meat. French fries and ketchup, cheese crackers, steak, bagel with butter, pastrami. Hot dogs. Pizza!!!
This is tough but I look at myself, thinking about my life and how I feel in it with the people around me... I feel I can get a little distance outside of it and see how crucial and wonderful this journey is for me. This is so much more than simply losing weight, this is about cleansing my mind and body. Without such a debilitating addiction to food I'm starting to see everything else differently or rather for what it really is. I worship food because it brings me comfort not nutrition, not as fuel but as my reason for being. Taking the joy (if that's the right word) out of food and looking at it more as just a fuel opens my world up to a lot more than it's been. I'm still figuring this out. I enjoy the juices and fruit and right now the concept of taking th ejoy out of eating really frightens me; like I have been dumped. I also understand that enjoying eating is one of lifes pleasures but I take it to such another level - I base my existance on food to give me the structure, security and validation to keep me going - thats really fucked up. My current conception of the Joy of food (and as far back as I can remember) is a crippling unhealthy addiction.
I eat until I'm stuffed, gorged. Then I feel uncomfortable and bloated and want to throw up. I wake up feeling even worse, sluggish and in pain. My binges do nothing to help me just like shooting up heroin or snorting cocaine feels awesome until the rush is over.
I'm starting to see life around me a little bit differently and a lot of bright light shining through the cracks in those walls I've built over the last 42 years of my time on Earth.
Still sick but I feel better. Nose stuffed, aches, feels like a cold. I wonder if its just a cold I would have gotten anyway or is this because of the detox.
It feels like it's going to be a tough day on the detox but I'll get through it. I want to run home, turn on the TV and eat fried chicken and gravy . I shall overcome.
and so it goes...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 5
Im at 217.5 - Wednesday May 12 2010 at 7am
4 days ago I was at 229. lost 11.5 pounds. (reality check... it would be so easy to gain it back in a second)
Still have a cold and cant breathe out of my nose. Im dealing with the concept of HUNGER vs CRAVINGS. Im not suffering from hunger but I am suffering from huge cravings. I nice glass of creamy chunky blue cheese dressing.. hmmmm.
im proud of myself and will stick with this no matter how difficult it is. I think it will get easier if I hold tight and not give up. One Day at a Time.
I am really ashamed of my weight and appearance and my lack of action to deal with this for so long. I just got fatter and fatter and ignored it as much as possible. Now Im dealing with the consequences.
juiced grapes rock!
I also made a great soup. Sweet potatoes, red pepper, celery, carrot, cumin, cayenne pepper, no salt seasoning.
4 days ago I was at 229. lost 11.5 pounds. (reality check... it would be so easy to gain it back in a second)
Still have a cold and cant breathe out of my nose. Im dealing with the concept of HUNGER vs CRAVINGS. Im not suffering from hunger but I am suffering from huge cravings. I nice glass of creamy chunky blue cheese dressing.. hmmmm.
im proud of myself and will stick with this no matter how difficult it is. I think it will get easier if I hold tight and not give up. One Day at a Time.
I am really ashamed of my weight and appearance and my lack of action to deal with this for so long. I just got fatter and fatter and ignored it as much as possible. Now Im dealing with the consequences.
juiced grapes rock!
I also made a great soup. Sweet potatoes, red pepper, celery, carrot, cumin, cayenne pepper, no salt seasoning.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 4
220 pounds. I dropped 9 pounds since Saturday Morning.
Im having a very tough time dealing with my loss; my loss of eating; kind of like Im in mourning. The longer Im on this detox the more clear it is to me that I am a food junkie and have been since I was a kid. Im not starving myself at all. Im getting lots of nutrients through the drinks, fresh juices, detox soup, its the fact that I cant have the food I want, the food I feel I need to survive to hold on, the food that helps me get through the day, the food I turn to when Im feeling sad or angry or scared or feeling anything really. Im still sick, feel like I have a bad cold but I think that will pass as I continue this. My body is going through a huge change internally and its a hard barrier to cross.
The flip side - Im losing pounds and I KNOW what Im doing is life changing. Big stuff! Off to work...
Im having a very tough time dealing with my loss; my loss of eating; kind of like Im in mourning. The longer Im on this detox the more clear it is to me that I am a food junkie and have been since I was a kid. Im not starving myself at all. Im getting lots of nutrients through the drinks, fresh juices, detox soup, its the fact that I cant have the food I want, the food I feel I need to survive to hold on, the food that helps me get through the day, the food I turn to when Im feeling sad or angry or scared or feeling anything really. Im still sick, feel like I have a bad cold but I think that will pass as I continue this. My body is going through a huge change internally and its a hard barrier to cross.
The flip side - Im losing pounds and I KNOW what Im doing is life changing. Big stuff! Off to work...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 3
Woke up to 223.5 pounds and a wicked cold; Im so sick, fever, aches, pains,
Im a food junkie. Im so obsessed with eating, Im grumpy irratable and freaked out that Im not eating what I want to be eating. Im following the detox so im not starving or cheating for that matter.
okay, im really detoxing. this is big
Im a food junkie. Im so obsessed with eating, Im grumpy irratable and freaked out that Im not eating what I want to be eating. Im following the detox so im not starving or cheating for that matter.
okay, im really detoxing. this is big
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 2 continues
Mia wanted some cheese crackers - oh man I love those crackers. I took some out and put them in a bowl - I didnt eat any or even lick my finger - no salt you know.
Milada made chicken for lunch and it smells so good - I WANT TO EAT FOOD. FOOD FOOD FOOD! I cant stop thinking about food! Why cant I be obsessed with making a million dollars instead?
Im sticking with this and its going to get easier - temporary, temporary. If I also had to give up my computer and TV right now I think I will die :) (I fucking hate those smily face icons!)
I have a size 38 waist and clothes look freaking horrible on me. I want to be able to dress nice and look good. I should have a 32 waist AT THE MOST! I look at myself in the mirror constanly trying to look better than I do - changing shrts 4 times before I can even leave the house - it doesnt work because I dont take care of the real problem. the mind
Im going to juice beets later today, because Im wild like that.
Milada made chicken for lunch and it smells so good - I WANT TO EAT FOOD. FOOD FOOD FOOD! I cant stop thinking about food! Why cant I be obsessed with making a million dollars instead?
Im sticking with this and its going to get easier - temporary, temporary. If I also had to give up my computer and TV right now I think I will die :) (I fucking hate those smily face icons!)
I have a size 38 waist and clothes look freaking horrible on me. I want to be able to dress nice and look good. I should have a 32 waist AT THE MOST! I look at myself in the mirror constanly trying to look better than I do - changing shrts 4 times before I can even leave the house - it doesnt work because I dont take care of the real problem. the mind
Im going to juice beets later today, because Im wild like that.
Day 2
Sunday morning - I weigh 226.5 lost 2.5 pounds
I made it through my first day - Saturday - it was tough because damn it I want to EAT, but I stuck with it all the way. I went to sleep hungry - woke up today - day 2 - full but then quickly felt hungry. I feel pretty uptight and tense but thats because Im the equivilent of a crack addict going cold turkey. Making some really nice juices though. Mia digs the carrot juice.
Its now 1120am on a Sunday - I have another whole day ahead of me of water, tea and a few juices and green drink. The hardest part is realizing that im not eating real food for the next 3 weeks and Im fantasizing about everything - steak, chips, wings, toast, mashed potatoes - anything you can think of. Stick with it Gregory.
I made it through my first day - Saturday - it was tough because damn it I want to EAT, but I stuck with it all the way. I went to sleep hungry - woke up today - day 2 - full but then quickly felt hungry. I feel pretty uptight and tense but thats because Im the equivilent of a crack addict going cold turkey. Making some really nice juices though. Mia digs the carrot juice.
Its now 1120am on a Sunday - I have another whole day ahead of me of water, tea and a few juices and green drink. The hardest part is realizing that im not eating real food for the next 3 weeks and Im fantasizing about everything - steak, chips, wings, toast, mashed potatoes - anything you can think of. Stick with it Gregory.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Pre Day 1
Full disclosure (well kinda)
My Name is Greg and Im really, really uncomfortable in my own skin. Im about 60 pounds overweight and scared of being in public like there is a large thick plastic lid on top of me that I cant break through.
In a similiar reality Id be the guy living in an apartment with 6 cats and a lot of empty pizza boxes watching the world go by hidden behind a window; luckily its not that bad but damn its getting close.
I never felt great about how I looked especially the physical aspect. I dealt much better with it in my 20s and early 30s because I exercised a lot and my metablosim was much faster - I was able to eat without it affecting me to badly but I was always a slave to food.. .and still am. Make no mistake Ive been battling my weight on an up and down rollercoaster since I was a kid.
Depression, self worth, fear and shame - these are the demons that hang around me and that I feed - Ive done a lot to get rid of them but in the end I never severed it completely and it builds and builds and builds.
A big key is for me to overcome my addiction and reliance on food, I need to eat so I can live but I treat my food like a heroin addict, (all hail glorious delectable food) and to allow myself to to live without this monkey on my back, rebuild myself the way I feel deep inside - not encombered by these feeling of fear and self loathing and the strict fanatical devotion to eating above everything. Its my security blanket and it has been for as long as I can remember.
Im scared:
of other people, judgement
of playing volleyball or any sport for that matter
of walking
of my body
of looking at my fat
of seeing my friends
Im sick of:
all of that crap
of being fat
of feeling like an alien tourist in my own skin
Im hate that Im not free and feeling good. I really want to be.
Im going to eat my fear and be the man I was afraid to be. Im going to lose 60 pounds of depressing weight and stop my devotion to food. You know that eat to live dont live to eat line... Im going to turn all of this negative emotion into positve energy and stop fucking living in my own shadow.
Yeah but I always say that and always attempt to do that but I never change. Its true, but this time its different... I always say that too.... I really hate being fat and frightened and uncomfortable - its not the way I ever wanted to live but its been ruling me all of my life. I dont like to admit things that scare me. Im fat. I weigh 229 pounds. Ugh.. I weigh 229 pounds. 5 years ago I weighed 180 and I thought I was overweight - what the hell I have I done to myself? I let it happen and did my best to ignore it.
So anyway... Im going to start a 21 day detox. my first day is Saturday May 8. Why a detox? because physically and symbolically I need a fresh start and this is the way to do it.
Milada, Mia this is for you. You deserve the best and a happy and florishing Greg is good for all Melli-Jones'. Milada, you are the one that showed me anything in this life is possible and a worthwhile if you want it. You can be a fearless badass. I love you and our daughter more than anything in this world.
I have a juicer, vitamins, and a plan.
229 pounds
My Name is Greg and Im really, really uncomfortable in my own skin. Im about 60 pounds overweight and scared of being in public like there is a large thick plastic lid on top of me that I cant break through.
In a similiar reality Id be the guy living in an apartment with 6 cats and a lot of empty pizza boxes watching the world go by hidden behind a window; luckily its not that bad but damn its getting close.
I never felt great about how I looked especially the physical aspect. I dealt much better with it in my 20s and early 30s because I exercised a lot and my metablosim was much faster - I was able to eat without it affecting me to badly but I was always a slave to food.. .and still am. Make no mistake Ive been battling my weight on an up and down rollercoaster since I was a kid.
Depression, self worth, fear and shame - these are the demons that hang around me and that I feed - Ive done a lot to get rid of them but in the end I never severed it completely and it builds and builds and builds.
A big key is for me to overcome my addiction and reliance on food, I need to eat so I can live but I treat my food like a heroin addict, (all hail glorious delectable food) and to allow myself to to live without this monkey on my back, rebuild myself the way I feel deep inside - not encombered by these feeling of fear and self loathing and the strict fanatical devotion to eating above everything. Its my security blanket and it has been for as long as I can remember.
Im scared:
of other people, judgement
of playing volleyball or any sport for that matter
of walking
of my body
of looking at my fat
of seeing my friends
Im sick of:
all of that crap
of being fat
of feeling like an alien tourist in my own skin
Im hate that Im not free and feeling good. I really want to be.
Im going to eat my fear and be the man I was afraid to be. Im going to lose 60 pounds of depressing weight and stop my devotion to food. You know that eat to live dont live to eat line... Im going to turn all of this negative emotion into positve energy and stop fucking living in my own shadow.
Yeah but I always say that and always attempt to do that but I never change. Its true, but this time its different... I always say that too.... I really hate being fat and frightened and uncomfortable - its not the way I ever wanted to live but its been ruling me all of my life. I dont like to admit things that scare me. Im fat. I weigh 229 pounds. Ugh.. I weigh 229 pounds. 5 years ago I weighed 180 and I thought I was overweight - what the hell I have I done to myself? I let it happen and did my best to ignore it.
So anyway... Im going to start a 21 day detox. my first day is Saturday May 8. Why a detox? because physically and symbolically I need a fresh start and this is the way to do it.
Milada, Mia this is for you. You deserve the best and a happy and florishing Greg is good for all Melli-Jones'. Milada, you are the one that showed me anything in this life is possible and a worthwhile if you want it. You can be a fearless badass. I love you and our daughter more than anything in this world.
I have a juicer, vitamins, and a plan.
229 pounds
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